Picking Switches.. Spank Today or Pay Dearly Later

Parenting has to be hardest thing next to being the leader of the free world. You're stressed, sleep deprived, maybe hormonal. Maybe you get no help from your partner if you have a partner or maybe you don't see eye-to-eye on the matter of discipline. Couple those realities with a tired, sick, obstinate, bored or upset child, you could have fireworks even the Chinese would wish they'd invented. I get it. I really do. But... I really don't understand the modern aversion to spanking as a part of a parent's disciplinary arsenal. 

Spanking is a necessary form of punishment. BEATING is not… Of course one should never spank when angered as evidenced with the Texas family court judge but it should be a part of the parenting playbook but used sparingly. Spanking was a part of my upbringing or at least the threat of spanking was...

I can remember 2 times only that I was spanked... at 2ish when I played in the street even though I was told not to and at 4 when I saw fit to cut a large hank of hair out of the front of my head with a scissor.. Why was I spanked? I had been warned of danger beforehand in both instances and both were situations where I could have been seriously hurt or killed. But of course my little toddler/pre-school brain had to test the waters as many often do. 

Mental War Games, a TRUE story... 

My grandmother, Nanny, often sent us grans out to break off a switch when we misbehaved. And, she was good at using them too, after all, she’d had at least 30 years practice to develop the crazy peripheral sight that allowed her to see you budge from your place of punishment next to her on the couch, grab her switch and flap flap your leg in one fell swoop… with a lit cigarette in the other hand… 

But what was worse? It was bad enough if you had to pick a switch but God help you if you either dawdled or came back with a dead twig.. This meant that Nanny had to remove herself from her place on the couch and from watching whichever story was on, put on her house shoes and traipse out to the yard to pick one for you because when she did, she'd pick and strip the leaves from the longest and greenest branch that tapered off just so at the tip allowing for that extra facow, snap  snap when she used it… No, you didn’t want her to do it for you….

In her house, if your behavior got her to that point, it was a BAD thing and the fact that she had to ask was shameful and you knew that as soon as Mommy came to pick you up you were in worse trouble for acting out… because then you got the “Wait until I tell your father”. 

That was the most excruciating thing – disappointing your parents. Never the threat or act of spanking. 

I would have preferred spanking to the torture my Nanny let me put myself through… Would I be placed on the rack and stretched, would I be given only bread and water for a week… If I cry hard enough, I'll make myself sick and all will be forgotten... the scenarios I cooked up were endless…

All the little scenarios you thought of in your imaginative child mind made you sick to your tummy while you waited the 5 hours until you were picked up only to have Nanny never tell Mommy that you thought it would be a good idea to swing from the bedroom drapes until you pulled them from the wall or that you found the one flaw in her pink jacquard bedspread and unraveled three quarters of it when you should have been napping.

Ok, so I'm not a Parent Yet...

I’ve been fortunate in that I have a niece and nephew to whom I am God Mother. In my family we take this role seriously. When my sister’s pastor explained during the christening ceremony, that as God Mother, I was to be an example in their upbringing that meant in discipline, in values, in character, etc. My sister trusted that I would do as she did and I was given permission to discipline each as necessary, when and if necessary. Luckily my sister and I have similar beliefs in child rearing or that could have made for a movie of the week. 

So.. How'd that work out for you, you ask? 

Did I experience tantrums, yeahip. Did I have to threaten spanking, yeahip. Did I have to spank? Never. Smack on the leg or hand sure but never full-out. Has my sister had to spank here or there.. yeahip… Has Mimi or Pop Pop had to spank here or there… yeahip including one episode that required Mimi to haul a 2-year old toddler in the throes of a tantrum like a football through a mall until she got to an area of privacy to tap that bottom but I digress.. 

In the 14 years the kids have been alive (he’s 14, she’s 12) the sum total of discipline by actual spanking is naught in comparison to other punitive tactics but they’ll never forget the times they were spanked and the reasons why. I am proud of them and of my sister's abilities as a parent. And, mine as an aunt after all, they are my test babies... Seriously though, they are good kids, make good grades, are developing good character and becoming empathetic individuals. Why? Because they have good role models and loving discipline that INCLUDES spanking.

That said, here is my counter to kellynaturally.com’s alternatives to spanking taken from the article, If not spanking, Then What?

Count to Ten. 
Count to 3, then straighten up or else.

Walk Away. 
Walking away gives the child power and that's just leaving the prison to the inmates.

Scream into a pillow. 
Seriously? This is CRAZY Talk.

Relocate. 
Yes punitive… the child is being ugly and it is not acceptable… GO TO YOUR ROOM! Do not come out until you are ready to apologize... I have plenty of time.

Distract. 
Really? You would give a child in the throes of a tantrum SUGAR? What CRACK are you smoking?

Offer a choice. 
Again, Seriously? There are only two legitimate choices: straighten up or I’ll straighten you up and you'll thank me in 20 years.

Realize YOU have a choice.  
Yes you do have a CHOICE, discipline NOW or front the BAIL later…

Pretend someone is watching. 

Absolutely! I want to be seen disciplining my child or in this case a child in my care (niece and nephew). I want them to be just as embarrassed as they've made me... Whether I chose to fake cry along with my niece or smack my nephew's hand for opening a toy car and placing it in his pocket when I wasn't looking... Repeat after me... discipline NOW... BAIL later.

Assess your (and your child’s) current state. 
This is the only thing I can agree with.. Children aren’t little THINGS devoid of emotion… but after you quickly assess the dealy-oh, # 6 kicks in…

Imagine you are your child. 
I have and I know they way I was disciplined WAY back in the 70’s is just as effective today. I also know that I am self sufficient, have character and do my best to be an empathetic, productive member of my world… BECAUSE my parents loved me enough to include spanking as a part of their playbook of discipline, not IN SPITE OF.