Coming Out... Living In Authenticity

I'm coming out, I want the world to know. Gotta let it show, I'm coming out. I want the world to know, I gotta let it show. There's a new me coming out and I just had to live. And I wanna give, I'm completely positive. I think this time around I am gonna do it. Like you never do it, like you never knew it. Ooh, I'll make it through. The time has come for me to break out of the shell. I have to shout that I'm coming out...

Copyright held by Motown Records.

In 1980, Diana Ross sang I'm Coming Out. The tune had multiple origins but held a deeper meaning for the great Miss. Ross; it represented escaping from under the thumb of Berry Gordy...leaving Motown...a new season.

The Fickle Finger Of Fate

I woke up with a sense of calm this morning. I woke up resigned to my lot. To let go and let the Creator. No unemployment income. Okay. Time to get creative. After schlepping to each window and parting the curtains, then letting the dogs out, I checked my phone... Hmmm... who called me at 7:30 A.M.? I suck in a breath. Maybe its about a job! God, please let it be about a job. I unlock my phone and listen to the message. 

" Good morning Miss Jones, this is XXXX calling from the GA Labor department. You were here in our office on Monday the 29th. I want you to know that I will not be submitting your appeal for a hearing...."

Eyes closed. 
Mouth open. 
Oh shit...
REALLY?

"...because the decision has been reversed and you have been approved..."

Errr? I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, holler or to do all three. I did give thanks. Yes, I am elated that I'll now have some sort of income while I job hunt. That I'll be able to meet my obligations. That I can keep panic and worry at bay. And, I can get on with the business of going back to school. Calm... even more calm than when I woke up.  

No Mother, I'm Not Gay... Unless You Mean Happy.

After this week's coming out of NBA baller Jason Collins, I began to think about what the words "coming out" mean in my life. Of course, I know what it means to the LGBT community. I've heard it phrased as "living authentically" and "living in truth"...

The loss of not 1 but 2 jobs in the span of a month, the potential loss of unemployment benefits, the seemingly ceaseless task of submitting resumes and applications and some serious consideration of returning to school, has given me much fodder for thought. A veritable Admiral Stockdale moment... "Who am I, why am I here?"

I've spent an inordinate amount of time in my life trying to figure out where I fit. Where I fit socially. Where I fit career-wise. What or who the heck do I want to be when I grow up? I use self-deprecating humor to hide my insecurities...you know, get THEM before THEY get me. I deflect. I always feel urged to qualify my life choices...my choice to leave school, my choice in where I live, my choice to be single for a while. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

One thing has become crystal clear, I have to find my truth. I have to live authentically.

When I wrote about starting my new season in my last post, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $330, I began to grant myself permission to live in MY truth. I'm "coming out" to be who I am intellectually, creatively, as a sister, as a daughter, as a friend. I'll no-longer make apologies for who I am or my choices... a somewhat, cray-cray, goober nerd, theater geek, LGBT supporter, finder of my spiritual-footing, sometimes over-opinionated, grammar-nazi, kind-hearted, animal-loving, bookworm, karaoke singing, good man-loving young girl-at-heart, and quite possibly, more than I give myself credit. 

"Coming out" is not reserved only for those embracing their sexuality. No. "Coming out" is something we all should do... Live in YOUR truth. There is a line from the song My Conviction of the musical Hair that has always resonated with me:

I wish every mother and father in this theater would go home tonight and make a speech to their teenagers and say kids be free, no guilt. Be whoever you are, do whatever you want to do. Just as long as you don't hurt anybody, right?

Words to live by. I can't control most of how others perceive me. I can control my authenticity...starting in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Peace,
Michelle Suzette Jones

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